What's up with me...
you have no idea how much I want to write a positive entry!! I really hate the whining... but then after I beat myself up for a while I remind myself of the purpose of this journal and that is to have a record of the bad days as well as the good ones. So if there are more bad than good then I have to keep track of them.

Ok.. so I am considering asking the dr. today if I can stop lithium. The weight I am gaining is making me very depressed and I can't take that. I shaved my head yesterday in the hopes of losing a couple pounds.. lol.. no just kidding... I did cut it very short though. Jason said I needed a hair cut and I hate the inbetween stage so it's none or long. He said my hair covered my face... well, of course it did!! I feel more comfortable with that.. it's like hiding. Now I have none.. which I like too for the convenience... curly hair is a pain in the arse to keep up.. without that I save a good 20 minutes a day. On those days I do my hair that is.

So back to the lithium thing. I have noticed that my mania has ceased since I am on it. So that's good. I haven't needed the klonopin since I have been at 600 mg a day for a while. So anxiety is helped. But the depression is so severe and the weight gain!!! I can't take that. I am now starting my second week of 10 mg of Abilify. I am not quite sure if it's doing anything.. or if it's the reason I have been more stable. I just have to find something to help with the depression and negative thoughts. My mind is still a bit racey and I have a hard time stopping it... but other than that I have been pretty stable. So here's the question... are the few negative side effects I have from the lithium worth risking he mania again? I guess that's what I will find out at the dr. today. It's the old one. Still haven't seen the new one.. that will be the 10th.

Voting day. I will vote today. I have to find out where though. They sent the card saying where about 5 months ago... like I am going to keep it that long!! But I will vote and shall I risk saying who I will vote for on here and getting negative comments from those of you who disagree??? hmm.. I won't say... I will say that if you read the majority of my posts though that you can find out that I am fairly conservative and I am a Christian... so that should give you an answer as to whose views I agree with.

and I have to say that I think Kerry looks like a bobble head doll. : )

Oh how I will be happy to not see the commercials anymore and to not get phone calls of countless recordings!!! They don't do anything anyway!! Why do they waste the money??? I don't listen to any of it because all it is is the other opponent bashing the other in one way or another. That goes for all races... state wide as well. I would rather read through some non-partial informative way about what they are standng for. Ok.. enough of all that.. lol...

I hate being hungry!!! ARRRGGG!!!

Get the treadmill soon! And we also may have snow early next week.. ugh. Over and out